Is Love Truly Blind? A Psychiatrist’s Take on the Reality TV Social Experiment

COMMENTARY

Has Love Always Been Blind?

The idea that love can be blind has lingered in our minds throughout history. In the Greco-Roman tradition, Eros or Cupid, the god of love, was often depicted as blindfolded, symbolizing the irrationality of blind love. Moreover, Cupid could use one of his golden arrows to make 2 individuals fall in love, reinforcing the idea that love could be out of control.

The notion that love was blind and irrational was reflected in literature during the Middle Ages and modern era. William Shakespeare popularized the phrase in The Merchant of Venice, where the character Jessica says, “Love is blind, and lovers cannot see the pretty things that lovers commit.”

Nonetheless, the science of psychology now has a better understanding of the experience of falling in love. Romantic love has been well studied from multiple angles, and in general, most scientists agree that physical attraction plays a very important role in the initial stages of romantic love, often referred to as the lust stage. Romantic love is frequently defined as an obsessive desire to develop physical intimacy with a person, in which both psychological and physical attraction play important roles.

How Do People Fall In Love?

Love is influenced by both universal and personal factors. Universally, humans tend to be attracted to symmetry and signs of health. Throughout history, society’s markers of health have changed; during the Renaissance, extra weight was appealing as a symbol of abundance, whereas today, thinness and athletic builds often align with societal beauty standards.

Personal familiarity also plays a part. Many individuals are drawn to partners who feel familiar, even resembling their parents or past partners. For instance, someone whose father had male pattern baldness may be attracted to bald men, despite baldness not being universally viewed as attractive.

In today’s world, love often begins with physical attraction and grows through emotional connection. Together, these form the basis for a healthy relationship that may lead to marriage and family.

Love is Blind: A Social Experiment on TV

The question “Is love truly blind?” lies at the heart of Netflix's Love is Blind, a reality show now in its seventh season. Created by Chris Coelen, Love is Blind builds on the success of shows like Married at First Sight. The premise asks: “Is it possible to fall in love based on an emotional connection alone, without seeing the other person?” This question attracts audiences instantly, as there is no consensus in society on the matter. Romantics like to believe it is possible, while skeptics reject the idea. To test this, 15 women and 15 men start going on dates behind a wall. They match based on psychological compatibility and emotional connection and must propose blindly to move to the next phase.

The experiment, however, has some flaws. Like many reality TV shows, it is heavily edited in a sensationalized manner and is not fully representative of the events that took place. Despite being discouraged from sharing physical features, some participants hint at it, directly or indirectly. Other participants talk about their wealth or social status. Still, they are not allowed to see each other and must trust what the other person is telling them.

The Phases of Love in Love is Blind

1. Courtship: In the initial phase, participants—who claim to be ready for marriage and are tired of dating in the regular world—go on 15 dates and rank their preferences. During this phase, everyone shows their best behavior and biggest assets, trying to make a good impression hoping for a match.
2. The Proposal: After finding their best match, participants must propose to move to the next phase. This is often the peak of the relationship, as they are happy to have found a match and their feelings heavily rely on projection.
3. The First Look: Following their engagement, participants meet face-to-face for the first time. This moment is fascinating psychologically, as it is difficult to hide facial reactions even when intentions are positive. Their expressions of approval or disapproval upon seeing their partner’s appearance often indicate future success in the engagement. Nevertheless, some participants genuinely seem not to care about looks and fully commit to the experiment’s philosophy.
4. The Trip: Engaged couples continue to deepen their emotional connection on a trip to Mexico. Here, conflicts often begin to emerge as they start grasping the reality of their partner’s appearance, social status, and behavior. Those who are not physically attracted to their partner may share their feelings with others and neglect their partner’s emotional needs in maladaptive ways. Consciously or unconsciously, they struggle with their commitment to the experiment’s philosophy vs their disappointment with their choice. At times, they look for alternative explanations rather than looking into themselves, such as criticizing their partner’s behavior, rather than accepting the truth of their inner conflict.
5. Cohabitation: The couples must move in together before their wedding day. Here, they are exposed to each other’s world, friends, family, finances, house rules, lifestyles, and ex-partners. This phase often brings the highest level of conflict, as it involves a reality test. In general, parents and friends are supportive and want their loved ones to be happy, but participants often cannot suppress their anxieties. This phase usually brings the most tension, as true personalities and stress responses emerge. Therefore, some couples break their engagements.
6. The Wedding: Couples who resolve their differences proceed to the final phase, where they marry on TV in the presence of their families. At this point, there is no turning back—they must either get married or walk away. As expected, couples who faced more conflict are less likely to go through with the marriage.

Is Love Blind in Love is Blind? The Data

For some couples, love might be blind, but this is not the general impression after watching any season of the show. However, over the course of 7 seasons, there have been 210 participants (30 per season), resulting in 105 potential couples. Each season has 30 participants, leading to 15 potential engagements.

Table 1.

Table 1 summarizes the number of engagements and weddings. Table 2 describes success rates.

Considering the inherent biases of a reality TV experiment, the number of engagements seems surprisingly high. With only 15 potential partners, participants have a 37% chance of getting engaged. This contrasts with dating apps, where up to 4000 swipes are typically needed before finding a match.

Table 2.

Is love truly blind? Among the 105 potential couples, 39 engagements were formed based on a deep emotional connection without having seen their partner, and 64% of these engagements reached the altar. If physical attraction were the primary factor in partner selection, we might expect lower numbers. Only 33% of the engagements ultimately ended in marriage. However, other social and psychological factors influenced their final decisions. In contrast, in the real world, most individuals who get engaged end up going to the altar. Notably, 85% of the couples who said 'I do' remain married and are starting families.

Scientific Validity of the Social Experiment

Love is Blind, as a social experiment, has limitations compared with current research standards. There is no control group, and participants are carefully self-selected and scrutinized by producers. Methodologically, it resembles a flawed experiment, similar to a case series report.

Nevertheless, reality shows like Love is Blind provide a type of social experiment rarely seen in psychiatric research today. Following ethical controversies from experiments like the Stanford Prison Experiment and Milgram’s study, such social experiments are now more common on reality TV than in academic research. The entertainment industry operates without Institutional Review Boards and follows different standards for social experiments.

Can Love Be Blind?

The short answer is yes—at least partially, and for some people. Contrary to skeptics' beliefs, 37% of the 105 potential couples became engaged without seeing each other, 64% of whom reached the altar, and 86% of those who said 'I do' remain married. This reality TV social experiment suggests that believing in blind love may not be entirely irrational.

Dr Espí Forcén is the host of El Ultimo Humanista Podcast: https://elultimohumanista.libsyn.com and author of the book, Monsters, Demons and Psychopaths: Psychiatry and Horror Film.